[ As the dirt pathway leads into stone, Vincent’s vision carefully follows their course ahead. The quiet melancholy which commonly resides behind his eyes is something much more, now; raw and turbulent, as he struggles to understand. ]
It is, indeed, difficult. You lead me to have faith in you, asked for my devotion, and sought my companionship even after you’d decided that I wasn’t worth your dedication… [ Frustration - and something more - faintly warbles his voice. ] Yet, I still love you, all the same. That part of me still wishes to believe that… [ The tension in his body grows, with a slight but sharp shake of his head. ] What is it that you want from me, truly?
[It's probably difficult if not impossible to understand because even Vanitas himself doesn't quite grasp why he did it, or what he hoped to achieve with such actions. Part of him wants to be put down again, but the other part longs to continue being held just like this.]
I know. I'm well aware of all the horrible things I did to you such a short span of time. That's why... all I can do is hope you'll find it within you to be benevolent enough to offer me the chance to prove it was a one-off mistake. [He glances up at Vincent and, upon seeing the hurt in his eyes, glances away again.] You don't have to, of course. I wouldn't blame you if you don't. All I can do is ask. Because what I want of you is to get back what we had.
[ Leaving Vanitas to walk on his own isn’t something that Vincent considers. Far too engrossed in processing their own matters, he hardly even notices the other bystanders, as they enter into the greater city. ]
… Explain to me, what did we have, in your eyes? What could I expect?
[Thankfully, neither does Vanitas, otherwise he might fluster and balk at the show they're providing for everyone. Not that many are so indiscreet as to gawk at them.]
...an understanding, for one. We're both rather ugly, hideous people, and yet you didn't hold that against me, nor I you. We shared in each other, body and mind, and, I think, found comfort in that. Being able to be ourselves without fear of rejection. ....which makes what I did all the more appalling, I know.
[ A sentiment which doesn’t faze Vincent in the slightest. Surely, the other man isn’t as terrible as he believes himself to be, he thinks, but he can acknowledge that they are both deeply flawed individuals with skewed morals. Finding someone who can understand that on a personal level, and not turn away in fear or disgust at the darkest depths of one another… That is invaluable.
With a faint bow of his head, Vincent hums with understanding. ]
Realizing that now, I hope you can understand why it was so difficult to build that trust, and even harder to have it broken… But, perhaps, we could have done better to share more about ourselves with one another. [ A thoughtful frown. ] Is there anything else?
[Perhaps he can't quite hold a candle to everything Vincent has done, but Vanitas knows he's rather despicable and unlikable in his own way. Something he's cultivated and thrived on up until this point, where he suddenly finds himself wanting to be seen as appealing for once. And, go figure, it's the one time he can't seem to convince someone. Ironic.
Nodding, he plucks idly at Vincent's jacket, letting out a hum.]
Yes... I think I do. I think we got too wrapped up in the physical aspect of our relationship and neglected other parts, much to our detriment. [Sighing, he clutches at the other man, turning his face against his chest.] ...only that I'm truly sorry, and if you find it within you to trust me just a little bit, I'll do everything I can to prove to you that I've seen the error of my ways.
[ The way in which his partner picks at his jacket, hides his face, and holds onto him— Vincent can feel his heart softening, aching to invite him back. Sighing heavily, his head sinks to rest his nose atop Vanitas’ silky hair. ]
Significant though that connection may be, is that really the extent of what we had, to you? [ There is disappointment in his voice, vaguely pained. ] Without you, I’ve felt this emptiness which light can’t touch. All I’ve wanted was to have you near me again, or even just to hear your voice, though it would pain me not to hold you. Of course, it’s difficult to deny you that chance, especially now that that you’re here— but I fear our needs may differ too greatly…
[Even though he can feel Vincent's breath tickling at his scalp, he remains hidden against him, unwilling to dare meet his gaze, partially out of fear of what he'll see there, and partially because he simply smells nice.]
Is that honestly not enough...? For me... that's quite a lot. [Which is probably more telling than he'd like, but...] I may not be able to describe my pain in such poetic words, yet being apart has been agonizing to a degree I've never felt before. I craved your companionship, your touch more than anything. All I could wish to do is take back my actions, knowing as I did then that it would drive a wedge between us. [Sighing, he sags in Vincent's arms, letting his hand drop back onto his own chest.] Perhaps you're right, though... maybe there is too much disparity between us.
[ Turning his cheek to rest there, Vincent breaths a quiet sigh. Standing himself up straighter then, he continues on, silence lingering between them for a few long moments. ]
That pain you felt… perhaps it was simply be the imprinting, then. [ Though he clearly struggles to say it, sadness clear in his voice. ] It’s my fault for desiring too much of you, really - and should things turn for the worse, I’ll inevitably cause you suffering.
[Feeling resigned to the inevitable leaves Vanitas quiet as well, though he can't help resting his hand against Vincent's chest.]
I don't think so. [He murmurs quietly, almost to himself.] It isn't just a fondness for you I feel, but a powerful pull that makes me want to be by your side. I've been kicking myself ever since we parted, you know. ...besides, it isn't like I haven't already caused you pain, right? I'm willing to risk it if you are.
[ In truth, he believes that pull must be the imprinting, if all Vanitas feels is some kinship and nothing of love… but if the other man is to say otherwise, perhaps it’s arrogance which makes Vincent think that he knows better. Closing his eyes, he draws a breath. ]
A physical relationship, then? Is that what you’re asking for?
[It's unfortunate that "love" is a four-letter word to Vanitas, a blight to be avoided at all costs, lest he find himself trapped by it, or worse, doomed to die for it. Because despite his near suicidal tendencies, the deepest part of him does want to live. Hesitating a moment, he shakes his head.]
Not just that. I know that's not what you want out of it. I understand you offer more and expect the same in return. Something I'm willing to try giving you, despite feeling inadequate in doing so. ["Love", in so many words.]
[Feeling a faint heat rise to his cheeks, Vanitas huffs softly, again toying with Vincent's lapels.]
Mmhmm. I know I'm hardly the best at this sort of thing, but it's an effort I'm willing to make. For you.
[Never underestimate how bad he is at conveying emotions is the lesson here. But he can't help a sense of relief that washes over him at Vincent's words.]
I'm glad to hear that. For a while there I thought perhaps my hopes were in vain.
[ Regarding his restlessness with some fondness to his eye, a smile might even pluck at an edge of his lips. ]
I only hope it’s what you want, and not some effort to appease me. [ But now, he’ll offer a genuine smile. ] How could I deny a chance at your love, after all?
[At that, he can't help chuckling a bit, though he shakes his head, bumping his cheek against Vincent's chest.]
I know better than to try that anymore. It only made both of us unhappy in the end. [Finally able so smile for real, he beams at him.] You really do have it bad, huh? It's awfully sweet.
[ Some tension eases from Vincent’s form, contently humming at the younger man’s answer. Gently, he’ll place a kiss atop the other’s forehead. There’s reassurance in seeing Vanitas smile like that, to be sure. ]
I’m glad you think so, because I certainly do. Troublesome as you are, I would’ve been worse off without you. Worse all around, I’m sure.
[It's a relief to finally see Vincent begin relaxing after so long being stressed, even if the kiss does make heat flood his cheeks out of embarrassment. Better too many positive feelings than too few.]
Hopefully you won't be worse for having me... That's my one great concern. [Knowing what a mess he is, it's hard to believe any association with him is a good thing.]
[ While Vincent might typically tease his partner for the sentiment, he thinks better of it. Things are still too fresh, both of them still far too insecure. So, while he might playfully hum in some thought, he inevitably peeks down at Vanitas with a shake of the head. ]
No, I don’t believe I will. You’ve already given me so much to be grateful for. I’ve experienced genuine understanding and affection, began to see hope in what’s to come, and realized that I may be capable of becoming something more than I am. That I can love in a way I never thought possible. [ Seeing the waterfront ahead, he breathes with some relief, meeting Vanitas’ eyes while his smile pulls ever so slightly wider. ] Just imagine what you could do for me when you try, hm?
[A wise move on his part. While not outwardly insecure, there's far too many wounds inside that Vanitas is trying to contend with; prodding them would only lead to pain and heartache. Though at the heaping of praise, he colors deeper, averting his gaze briefly.]
I'm glad to have been able to grant you all those things, however skeptical I am of my part in it. You may be giving me far too much credit considering how heartless I've been. I can't help wondering how someone like me could be capable of providing that. [When their eyes meet though, he manages a small smile.] If anything, I think it's you who's helped me learn to be better with your endless affection...
[ Exhaling with some amusement, he finds himself enamored with the sight of Vanitas’ reddened face all over again, eyes greedily taking in the sight. ]
Who else would it have been, mm? Though your heart may not have been in it then, that doesn’t make it any less true. [ Similarly, however, he’s hesitant to accept that he’s affected the younger man in such a way… so, he faintly shrugs with a hum. ] If I, of all people, could provide you that, then perhaps we’re meant to guide one another.
[ Arriving at the residential entrance to their building, Vincent adjusts his arms to secure his hold on Vanitas, glancing down to the breast pocket of his coat. ]
Would you grab my keys there, and allow us inside?
[Despite his embarrassment, Vanitas can't help smiling more at the reassurances. Though catching sight of vincent eyeing him makes his flush that much deeper.]
Your brother? [Teasing.] I must admit it was accidental... Yet I suppose that doesn't negate the good done. [Nodding, he takes the keys from Vincent's pocket and unlocks the door before replacing them.] Perhaps so. If nothing else, we're certainly teaching each other lessons, for better or worse.
[He can't help chuckling a bit ruefully at that, brows quirking upwards.]
[ At the suggestion of his brother, Vincent’s brow quirks high, though it does come with a smirk. Though his smile slacks just so at the succession of remarks, and he only follows with a tick of his tongue. Even if all true, that’s one way to take the mood gradually down a few notches!
Nudging the door closed behind him, he at least manages to flip the latch on his own, before pausing before the stairs. Taking a large breath in resolution, he begins the climb up the single but sizable flight. ]
If you’d like, we can draw you a bath, and I’ll find something for you to eat once you’re warming up.
[Mood killer extraordinaire, that's him~ Not that he intends to, he simply runs his mouth too damn much. It gets him into far too much trouble for his own good, honestly...
While Vanitas is about to suggest Vincent put him down so he can climb the stairs himself, his lover simply goes for it, leaving him biting his lip a bit in concern. The man is hardly the most robust individual, and he's already walked a good distance today.]
That sounds perfect... A bath should help sooth my poor muscles, too. Though don't fret too much over feeding me; once I've rested, I can hand that myself.
[ Indeed, not only is Vincent more on the slight side, he’s also extraordinarily lazy. While willing to overlook that for his lovers, to an extent, he’ll push it just that much further for a select few… but this is hard!
Maybe five steps in, he pauses mid-stride, wilting slightly yet sniffing to steel himself… and then realization hit him, and he breathlessly laughs. ]
What am I doing… [ With a bit of focus, they elevate to float over the stairs, and seamlessly glide the remaining distance to the top. ] Seems I’m a bit tired, myself.
[ Peeking into the living area, he only notes someone in the kitchen, so he’ll just quietly sneak past before they can be noticed. Only once safe in the hall does he round back to their conversation. ]
Now, I know you’re rather particular, but you shouldn’t rest without something in your stomach.
[ Pressing down on the handle, he’ll allow them inside before footing the door closed behind him. And, at last, he’ll set Vanitas down on the bed. ]
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It is, indeed, difficult. You lead me to have faith in you, asked for my devotion, and sought my companionship even after you’d decided that I wasn’t worth your dedication… [ Frustration - and something more - faintly warbles his voice. ] Yet, I still love you, all the same. That part of me still wishes to believe that… [ The tension in his body grows, with a slight but sharp shake of his head. ] What is it that you want from me, truly?
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I know. I'm well aware of all the horrible things I did to you such a short span of time. That's why... all I can do is hope you'll find it within you to be benevolent enough to offer me the chance to prove it was a one-off mistake. [He glances up at Vincent and, upon seeing the hurt in his eyes, glances away again.] You don't have to, of course. I wouldn't blame you if you don't. All I can do is ask. Because what I want of you is to get back what we had.
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… Explain to me, what did we have, in your eyes? What could I expect?
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...an understanding, for one. We're both rather ugly, hideous people, and yet you didn't hold that against me, nor I you. We shared in each other, body and mind, and, I think, found comfort in that. Being able to be ourselves without fear of rejection. ....which makes what I did all the more appalling, I know.
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With a faint bow of his head, Vincent hums with understanding. ]
Realizing that now, I hope you can understand why it was so difficult to build that trust, and even harder to have it broken… But, perhaps, we could have done better to share more about ourselves with one another. [ A thoughtful frown. ] Is there anything else?
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Nodding, he plucks idly at Vincent's jacket, letting out a hum.]
Yes... I think I do. I think we got too wrapped up in the physical aspect of our relationship and neglected other parts, much to our detriment. [Sighing, he clutches at the other man, turning his face against his chest.] ...only that I'm truly sorry, and if you find it within you to trust me just a little bit, I'll do everything I can to prove to you that I've seen the error of my ways.
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Significant though that connection may be, is that really the extent of what we had, to you? [ There is disappointment in his voice, vaguely pained. ] Without you, I’ve felt this emptiness which light can’t touch. All I’ve wanted was to have you near me again, or even just to hear your voice, though it would pain me not to hold you. Of course, it’s difficult to deny you that chance, especially now that that you’re here— but I fear our needs may differ too greatly…
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Is that honestly not enough...? For me... that's quite a lot. [Which is probably more telling than he'd like, but...] I may not be able to describe my pain in such poetic words, yet being apart has been agonizing to a degree I've never felt before. I craved your companionship, your touch more than anything. All I could wish to do is take back my actions, knowing as I did then that it would drive a wedge between us. [Sighing, he sags in Vincent's arms, letting his hand drop back onto his own chest.] Perhaps you're right, though... maybe there is too much disparity between us.
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That pain you felt… perhaps it was simply be the imprinting, then. [ Though he clearly struggles to say it, sadness clear in his voice. ] It’s my fault for desiring too much of you, really - and should things turn for the worse, I’ll inevitably cause you suffering.
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I don't think so. [He murmurs quietly, almost to himself.] It isn't just a fondness for you I feel, but a powerful pull that makes me want to be by your side. I've been kicking myself ever since we parted, you know. ...besides, it isn't like I haven't already caused you pain, right? I'm willing to risk it if you are.
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A physical relationship, then? Is that what you’re asking for?
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Not just that. I know that's not what you want out of it. I understand you offer more and expect the same in return. Something I'm willing to try giving you, despite feeling inadequate in doing so. ["Love", in so many words.]
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Is that right…
[ Yet, he’s glad for it, even if that’s something which Vanitas could have mentioned much sooner. Lashes lowering, he exhales with some amusement. ]
If that’s the case… I believe I’d like to try again.
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Mmhmm. I know I'm hardly the best at this sort of thing, but it's an effort I'm willing to make. For you.
[Never underestimate how bad he is at conveying emotions is the lesson here. But he can't help a sense of relief that washes over him at Vincent's words.]
I'm glad to hear that. For a while there I thought perhaps my hopes were in vain.
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I only hope it’s what you want, and not some effort to appease me. [ But now, he’ll offer a genuine smile. ] How could I deny a chance at your love, after all?
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I know better than to try that anymore. It only made both of us unhappy in the end. [Finally able so smile for real, he beams at him.] You really do have it bad, huh? It's awfully sweet.
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I’m glad you think so, because I certainly do. Troublesome as you are, I would’ve been worse off without you. Worse all around, I’m sure.
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Hopefully you won't be worse for having me... That's my one great concern. [Knowing what a mess he is, it's hard to believe any association with him is a good thing.]
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No, I don’t believe I will. You’ve already given me so much to be grateful for. I’ve experienced genuine understanding and affection, began to see hope in what’s to come, and realized that I may be capable of becoming something more than I am. That I can love in a way I never thought possible. [ Seeing the waterfront ahead, he breathes with some relief, meeting Vanitas’ eyes while his smile pulls ever so slightly wider. ] Just imagine what you could do for me when you try, hm?
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I'm glad to have been able to grant you all those things, however skeptical I am of my part in it. You may be giving me far too much credit considering how heartless I've been. I can't help wondering how someone like me could be capable of providing that. [When their eyes meet though, he manages a small smile.] If anything, I think it's you who's helped me learn to be better with your endless affection...
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Who else would it have been, mm? Though your heart may not have been in it then, that doesn’t make it any less true. [ Similarly, however, he’s hesitant to accept that he’s affected the younger man in such a way… so, he faintly shrugs with a hum. ] If I, of all people, could provide you that, then perhaps we’re meant to guide one another.
[ Arriving at the residential entrance to their building, Vincent adjusts his arms to secure his hold on Vanitas, glancing down to the breast pocket of his coat. ]
Would you grab my keys there, and allow us inside?
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Your brother? [Teasing.] I must admit it was accidental... Yet I suppose that doesn't negate the good done. [Nodding, he takes the keys from Vincent's pocket and unlocks the door before replacing them.] Perhaps so. If nothing else, we're certainly teaching each other lessons, for better or worse.
[He can't help chuckling a bit ruefully at that, brows quirking upwards.]
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Nudging the door closed behind him, he at least manages to flip the latch on his own, before pausing before the stairs. Taking a large breath in resolution, he begins the climb up the single but sizable flight. ]
If you’d like, we can draw you a bath, and I’ll find something for you to eat once you’re warming up.
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While Vanitas is about to suggest Vincent put him down so he can climb the stairs himself, his lover simply goes for it, leaving him biting his lip a bit in concern. The man is hardly the most robust individual, and he's already walked a good distance today.]
That sounds perfect... A bath should help sooth my poor muscles, too. Though don't fret too much over feeding me; once I've rested, I can hand that myself.
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Maybe five steps in, he pauses mid-stride, wilting slightly yet sniffing to steel himself… and then realization hit him, and he breathlessly laughs. ]
What am I doing… [ With a bit of focus, they elevate to float over the stairs, and seamlessly glide the remaining distance to the top. ] Seems I’m a bit tired, myself.
[ Peeking into the living area, he only notes someone in the kitchen, so he’ll just quietly sneak past before they can be noticed. Only once safe in the hall does he round back to their conversation. ]
Now, I know you’re rather particular, but you shouldn’t rest without something in your stomach.
[ Pressing down on the handle, he’ll allow them inside before footing the door closed behind him. And, at last, he’ll set Vanitas down on the bed. ]
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