bleude | karteria Inbox

[Gradually his pride is falling by the wayside in favor of simply admitting the truth of matters. Now if only he could keep his foot out of his mouth for long enough to make some actual progress in repairing their relationship...

One clawed hand comes up to latch onto Vincent's jacket, not hard enough to mess it up, but enough to help him subtly rub his cheek against the other man.]

...I've missed this. But more than that, I've missed you.

[ A simple nuzzle aids in draining the remaining tension from Vincent’s shoulders. It’s a wonder that he had managed to look past his temper, he’d thought, but it’s steadily becoming clear that this man is his soft spot, no matter the conditions.

Following a steadying sigh, the blond hesitates to answer. It should be obvious that he missed his partner dreadfully, but accessing that ache to speak on it… that’s not something he’s sure that he’s willing to do just yet. Not if all he can expect to hear is that Vanitas will do as he pleases. ]

… Have you?

[For better or worse, they're stuck with one another for the foreseeable future until they reach the city, and Vanitas hopes they can use that time to reach some kind of understanding. Give him a chance to prove he is truly sorry.

Not that he blames Vincent for hesitating on reciprocating the sentiment; he's been hurt, after all. Wounds take time to heal, and sometimes one finds they're not willing to open their heart to more aches. So he simply nods, humming softly.]

I have. I missed the contact between us, the way you'd scold me for being foolish, the care you'd show...

[ At the very least, Vincent is open to the opportunity. Hesitant to trust that it will end well, yes, but there’s some hope in him that it does.

This time, he does hum in some faint agreement. ]

Even the scolding, hm?

Even that.

[The response is immediate and firm. Nobody enjoys being told they're in the wrong, but if he's going to, he'd rather it come from Vincent than anybody else. At least Vanitas knows he understands, being so similar to himself. Coming from anyone else it would just be condescending.]

I know you only say it like it is, even if those things aren't something I wish to see or hear.

[ A thoughtful sound, as the blond’s brows tick upward. It’s quite true, most don’t enjoy hearing that they’re wrong, and find it unnerving to have their flaws perceived so aptly. Too many find him unnerving for that very reason… but, perhaps, that speaks to some level of bond that they’d established, or even their suitability for one another. ]

I’m glad you see it that way, surprised as I am. [ Not only due to the former. It’s something that he often did because it made others dislike him, so why does it please him that Vanitas could appreciate it? ]

[Normally Vanitas is among those who hate to hear they're wrong or mistaken. Even in the last half an hour, with Vincent calling him out for being selfish and insensitive, he didn't enjoy it in the slightest. Yet that's let him see where he's been wrong and, hopefully, will allow him to improve himself to do better. Be somebody - something - worthy of all the affection Vincent has to give him. ]

What can I say? You make me wish to be more than I am. To strive for greater things... [Usually it's him calling out people for being fools or idiots; rarely does anyone do so for him. That's what makes it hard to bear. Being in the wrong is generally a new experience for him.]

[ Jaw tensing just the slightest, Vincent’s lips shift with some consideration, as he withholds himself from saying something less kind. ]

… Hm. I may have believed that once. [ His fingers absently grasp at the other’s clothing. ] You’ve done quite a lot to indicate otherwise.

[At that he has to pause before laughing quietly, derisively at himself. Shoulders sagging, he shakes his head.]

Hah... I suppose you're right. Here I am, spouting pretty things again, when my actions have done nothing but prove the opposite. Maybe it's more accurate to say I hope to someday be the kind of person who does better.

[ Perhaps Vincent has no right to expect better, after all he’s done to people in the past. A example of hypocrisy at its finest… Even if he’s done slightly better for Vanitas, isn’t it really in the pursuit of his own self interest, at the root of it all?

Sighing deeply, he frowns. ]

It isn’t as though I’m exemplary… Not by any stretch. Perhaps you shouldn’t regard what I say, either.

[They're both quite the pair of hypocrites, truly deserving of one another for all they keep hurting each other after having done worse to others previously. Still, is that not all the more reason for them to potentially find some semblance of happiness with each other?

Peering curiously up at Vincent, he dares to try brushing a hand over the man's cheek.]

In that case should I disregard your attempts to brush aside my efforts at reconciliation? Would you get angry if I were to kiss you?

[ Eying Vanitas’ hand, he won’t protest against its touch, but his request does warrant a quirk of Vincent’s brow. ]

Perhaps I would. [ Even if the blond’s gaze may be drifting over Vanitas’ face, down to his lips and back to his eyes. ] I’m not brushing off your attempts, after all, but providing you an opportunity to clarify your reasoning. You claim no malice behind your actions, though I can see nothing else… so, prove it to me.

[Well, not the best answer, but hardly the worst. Though he doesn't quite dare to risk his luck by forcing a kiss upon Vincent just yet, feeling that perhaps it'd be best to try smoothing things over first.]

I see... That's fair. [Apparently they have different ideas of what constitutes 'brushing off.' Yet just the same, he sighs quietly, cupping Vincent's cheek and allowing his thumb to brush over his lower lip.] I'm not sure how I'm supposed to go about that when my words seem to only cause more harm. Would actions help prove my intentions more?

[ Denying them the soften communications that their relationship previously offered certainly is brushing off his efforts, in a sense, though Vincent may not see it. Everything that he’s had in life, he’s fought for, while removing himself off kindness or affection to achieve it. Being analytical and cutting. The sort he’s used to communicating with had held morals worse than Vanitas, more cruel and detached. Dispute seems natural to him. ]

I am trying to listen… [ Despite himself, Vincent can’t help but find comfort in the gesture, pace slowing. ] Mm, if intimacy could solve these matters, we would've moved past them already, I think.[ A silent sigh. ]

I know. I'm not saying it's you, but me. I'm the one who's the problem here.

[After all, Vincent is willing to give him a second chance, an opportunity to try again. Yet it seems futile when he's mystified by what he should be saying, what magic words will unlock the response he hopes to earn. He lacks the experience necessary to figure that out. Unfortunately, he's much more used to inciting others than appeasing them. Sighing himself, he lets his head droop a bit, ears following suit.]

You're probably right. Still... I'm sorry for having hurt you. That much I want to convey. [Grasping at his jacket, he pulls himself up enough to hesitantly brush his lips over Vincent's.]

[ When those lips meet his, Vincent’s breath soundlessly hitches, pausing in their stride along the forest path. Quite by impulse, he holds their kiss, returning it just so - and when their mouths part, the blond turns his face away to steady himself.

Just as he feared, Vanitas’ tenderness sways him all too easily. More than that, however, the throes of recollection seize his chest, good and bad. Closing his eyes, he’ll attempt to swallow it down the emotion welling up into his throat. ]

I must have seen that, yet I've been… venomous, at best. You should be able to speak freely. [ Teeth dragging over his own bottom lip, he tentatively meets Vanitas’ gaze. ] Forgive me.

[There's something of a rush when Vincent not only holds the kiss but reciprocates it, making Vanitas moan softly in turn. He doesn't even notice they've stopped, not until Vincent turns away, leaving him sighing softly with clawed hand twisting into the fabric of his jacket.

Just getting to kiss him brings a feeling of relief that has him easing himself back into the older man's arms, and he lets his head rest against his chest, gaze locked firmly on those mismatched eyes. Slowly, he shakes his head.]

No, it's alright. You've every right to be angry. I just... hope my words can convey how I feel. [Idly, he reaches up to run a hand through Vincent's hair, fingertips brushing over a horn.]

[ Without meaning to, Vincent cants his head into the other’s touch, lashes drooping as his eyes search Vanitas’.

Briefly, his vision flicks forward, contemplating resting somewhere so that they can speak more freely, eye to eye… but his partner needs food and warmth. So, with a resolute breath, they’ll pursue onward. At least they aren’t incredibly far from the city, by now. ]

I’ll strive to be more accepting of them. I’m listening.

[Smiling ever so slightly at that, Vanitas keeps on stroking, until he moves his hand to Vincent's cheek instead.

As tired as he is, he's grateful that the other man decides to proceed onward, hopefully to somewhere warmer so that he can stop shivering eventually. While the side against Vincent is warm enough, the rest of him remains chilled. So he takes a deep breath to try again.]

I was a fool, selfish and ignorant. I've always been someone who makes rather poor choices, relying on my wit and charm to get me out of them, so I suppose I too you for granted. Something I swear not to do anymore.

[ Leaning his cheek into Vanitas’ palm just so, he listens in silence, briefly glancing down to see the younger man’s face as he quietly hums in appreciation. ]

It’s difficult for me to believe that you hadn’t considered the consequences of your actions, Vani. Or that you could simply charm me out of them. [ Jaw tensing, his nails absently scrape the fabric beneath them. ] You saw what our connection - my jealousy - does to me. I gave you an opportunity to walk away, and you… made me believe you had love for me, instead. You swore that there was nothing between you and that other man, and you slept with him that very night. That isn’t a simple mistake… it was a blatant betrayal… Why?

[Taking his hand back, he curls it against his chest, gripping the fabric of his own shirt tightly.]

Maybe I did subconsciously know that what I was doing was to hurt you. Because... I was scared. Terrified, even. Of the fact anyone could ever feel love for me. I hoped to push you away and keep things the way they were before we met, to maintain the security of being free. But I never thought that it would hurt so much. That I would regret it as I do, and wish I never had strayed in the first place. [Pausing, he takes a steadying breath.] I don't expect you to believe me right away, not after everything. And I suppose asking for a second chance is taking too many liberties...

[ As the dirt pathway leads into stone, Vincent’s vision carefully follows their course ahead. The quiet melancholy which commonly resides behind his eyes is something much more, now; raw and turbulent, as he struggles to understand. ]

It is, indeed, difficult. You lead me to have faith in you, asked for my devotion, and sought my companionship even after you’d decided that I wasn’t worth your dedication… [ Frustration - and something more - faintly warbles his voice. ] Yet, I still love you, all the same. That part of me still wishes to believe that… [ The tension in his body grows, with a slight but sharp shake of his head. ] What is it that you want from me, truly?

[It's probably difficult if not impossible to understand because even Vanitas himself doesn't quite grasp why he did it, or what he hoped to achieve with such actions. Part of him wants to be put down again, but the other part longs to continue being held just like this.]

I know. I'm well aware of all the horrible things I did to you such a short span of time. That's why... all I can do is hope you'll find it within you to be benevolent enough to offer me the chance to prove it was a one-off mistake. [He glances up at Vincent and, upon seeing the hurt in his eyes, glances away again.] You don't have to, of course. I wouldn't blame you if you don't. All I can do is ask. Because what I want of you is to get back what we had.

[ Leaving Vanitas to walk on his own isn’t something that Vincent considers. Far too engrossed in processing their own matters, he hardly even notices the other bystanders, as they enter into the greater city. ]

… Explain to me, what did we have, in your eyes? What could I expect?

[Thankfully, neither does Vanitas, otherwise he might fluster and balk at the show they're providing for everyone. Not that many are so indiscreet as to gawk at them.]

...an understanding, for one. We're both rather ugly, hideous people, and yet you didn't hold that against me, nor I you. We shared in each other, body and mind, and, I think, found comfort in that. Being able to be ourselves without fear of rejection. ....which makes what I did all the more appalling, I know.

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