[Some time passes after all those messy events take place. Vanitas' confrontation with Xiao and it's fallout linger in Aether's mind no matter how much he tries to forget about it. Maybe it just can't be helped, considering the conversation he had with Vincent later. So many people ended up upset from this one event.
Aether hesitates before crossing the mirror and ending up in the bedroom that Vanitas and Vincent share. By chance Vanitas is there and Aether approaches him without word, wrapping his arms around his middle and pressing his form to the other's back. A silent hello... but there is something else in it. A kind of sadness that he was attempting to keep deep down in his heart, but it's too big now.]
Hey, I thought... we could talk. About things.
[It helps that they don't have to look at one another. Or at least that's what Aether thinks.]
[For his part, Vanitas merely sticks to staying in bed, as he's been doing longer and longer as his spectral soul takes over and pushes him steadily toward an inevitable demise. That and the weight of his actions have been keeping him down emotionally and physically the past day or so. For once, he feels guilt over his actions. For hurting those he's gradually come to care about.
While he doesn't say anything either from Aether making his way into their room and over to him, he does cover one of those warm hands with his own icy one, which is now almost like the arctic itself. He allows himself to lean gently back against Aether, their bodies propping one another up. He doesn't need words or an expression to tell the traveler is down.]
Mmm... Alright. That's probably a good idea. What did you want to discuss?
[It is good, because already he feels enough like shit after having disappointed, betrayed, and hurt Aether.]
[The cold in Vanitas' limbs is making him frown and cling to his lover all the more tightly, wishing to give his own warmth to him. He also missed him terribly. They haven't seen each other for only a short time, but he feels like it was far longer. He wasn't aware just how much he needed to have Vanitas close.
Aether doesn't say anything for another moment, but when he does his voice is soft.]
You. Us. All three of us. [There it is, that note of sadness ringing somewhere in his voice.] After... you left, I talked to Vincent and he wanted to tell me he understands. He started from saying that you're still seeing Verso...
[He sighs, those words are so heavy as they escape his mouth.]
It still hurts him.
[He's avoiding talking about himself. This isn't about him. It can never be about him.]
[Although he's stopped shivering and his teeth no longer seem to chatter, the warmth from Aether's form is blissful, letting Vanitas sigh with relief as he's hugged snuggly from behind. Everything is tiring these days, and he feels so exhausted, like he just wants to sleep forever. At least he can keep his eyes open with Aether near like this.
At his words though, a lump forms in his throat and his stomach drops. He has a good idea what this is about, and sure enough...]
Alright... [His fingers grip Aether tighter, holding him close. When Verso's name comes up, the freezing feeling permeates even his heart, and he shudders.] ...I am. I-- I like him. He's... fun. Funny, and he dotes on me like I'm something precious. Plus we have some pretty great sex.
[He snorts, wry. Dipping his head down, he can't help a sigh.]
I know I shouldn't be doing it, and yet... it's hard to just stop, you know?
[He turns a bit, trying to glance back at Aether. He noticed that he's refrained from voices his own opinion, his own feelings on the matter.]
[He listens to it with mixed feelings. A pang of jealousy is there as well and some sort of sadness that Vincent would only be more upset if he heard this. He wants to say something, but Vanitas surprises him by glancing at him and asking about his own feelings.
Aether stares at him owlishly, like he doesn't understand the question at all. His gaze drifts away eventually.]
What do you mean? I... [He bites his lower lip.] Both of you told me that you don't deserve me, that I should go find someone else. Does it matter what I think?
[He doesn't mean to sound so bitter about it and he soon realizes his mistake. At the same time... he can't find the right words to express what he is really feeling.
He wants to believe in Vanitas, he wants to make both him and Vincent happy. Maybe if it was just the two of them it would be the best option?
And yet... he loves them both too much. He can't imagine his life without them both.
[That Vincent would be upset is why Vanitas has kept his dealings to himself - or so he thought. He meant to spare everyone's feelings while indulging in his soul's whims, but... it seems that doing so isn't feasible. Not anymore, anyway. Knowing that both his lovers are aware of what he has going on with Verso means having to confront it. And them. So... he wants to know how Aether feels.
He just doesn't expect that kind of a response. Immediately, his brows furrow and he wiggles around to face Aether, a hand coming up to cup his cheek.]
Of course it matters. Even if we don't deserve you, if you would be better off with someone kind and loving who'd treat you right, what you want matters more than anything.
[Leaning in, he rests their foreheads together, letting out a shaky breath that's also chilled like a winter wind. His eyes close briefly, but open again to peer into Aether's with what can only be described as pitiful guilt.
He's done a lot of screwing around and screwing up. Again and again and again. But he also knows this last time with Xiao was a step too far. Maybe it's the same with Verso...]
I'd like to hear it, if you'll tell me. Your feelings.
[He doesn't protest when Vanitas turns around to face him, still stubbornly keeping him close. Despite that, he shoots a narrowed look at the comment like he doesn't believe his needs and wants even matter.
He can't stay upset with Vanitas for long though, not when the other lines their foreheads and touches his face, not when there's so much guilt in his gaze.]
I...! [He pauses, then closes his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts.] I'm upset. I'm upset you're keeping things from both of us. That you're breaking your word. That you won't tell either of us what you really want. If... if we're all in this together then we should be honest with each other!
[His form shakes a little, gaze firmly on his lover.
Then he looks away.]
And... maybe I am jealous. A little. Neither of you listen to what I want either... And I really want to be with both of you.
[Snuggled up against Aether, he savors the other's warmth with as much greed as he always does anything he desires, holding himself close, even if it means letting his expression reveal his weakness.
He waits, patiently, for Aether to collect his thoughts, ears lightly flicking with interest.] ...I see. Yeah, I suppose, that's fair, all things considered. I... [He swallows, shaking his head.] I don't want anything. Don't deserve it...
[Clearly that's a lie and a half, given what all he's been doing, going behind their backs and still staying with them all the same. Though his self-loathing is probably the most honest he's been in a while.]
...I'm sorry. [A rare apology. His gaze drops to Aether's lips, which he traces with a clawed thumb.] ...then I won't push you away anymore. Alright? Because I-- I want you to be happy. If you want to follow your shitty taste and be with us, who am I to argue?
[Hearing that, Aether has to snort and shake his head.]
You and I both know that's not true. And that it also doesn't solve anything. We need to talk and make some decisions. [He's just so tired of all the upset feelings and the mess it brings.] Vince thinks you're playing a game with him. That none of this really matters to you, because you first want him to be faithful to you, then you... include me. And go after Verso. [He sighs.] Just... decide. Do you want this relationship to be just him and you? Or would you rather it was open, so you could chase your heart's desires? You can't have both.
[Maybe he's starting to scold him a little here, but he... feels so lost. About his place in all of this, about what Vanitas wants. Is there more people out there aside from Verso he slept with? Should Aether know about it? He'd rather know.
He looks up at the other when Vanitas apologizes to him and touches his lip. The traveler lets a soft breath out, even though he no longer needs to breathe. The playfulness of the comment makes him huff of a laugh.] Just so you know - even if... if it was Xiao, he'd likely tell me the same. That I should find someone else, because he'd only hurt me.
[At the very definite scolding, Vanitas hunches up his shoulders, ears going flat on his head, looking the very picture of a naughty cat being called out. Behind him, his tail twitches restlessly, thumping on the bed.]
...tch. [All of sudden, he turns sullen, amusement gone from his face.] Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. What does anything truly matter when at the rate we're going, we're all going to turn into monsters or die or be killed before escaping here? [Despite his grousing, he grows quiet, thoughtful. His eyes slide away as he thinks, before letting out a sigh.] I...
[But then he's gazing back at Aether's mouth, longing to kiss it. So he does, leaning in to press a soft kiss to those parted lips as he speaks.] Hmm... Yeah, I guess he would deny you, too, wouldn't he. At least it's probably true with his curse.
[Grasping Aether by the cheeks, he strokes his thumbs over his warm skin, frowning.]
...I'm a miserable person, you know. Neither Vince nor I are very jovial. We're both hurt, bitter individuals. Do you really want to stay with us? And you've seen him. He's fiercely jealous. What's his is his, end of story. I'm not much better. I'm greedy. Selfish. Throwing your lot in with us may be a mistake.
You don't think like that. If you did, then... you wouldn't try to save anyone. [He's still frowning, but it's lighter somehow. Softer.] I know you helped Xiao. Twice. If nothing really matters, then you could've just left him there. But you didn't.
[So it does matter. Vanitas is just trying to come up with excuses.
Aether doesn't get a moment to say that, though, as a soft kiss presses against his lips, surprising him. His form trembles with need for more, with longing, but he resists. The frown is back on his face. He won't fall for this... this distraction! They're having an important conversation here!!
And then Vanitas says that and Aether feels a stab to his own heart.]
How many more times do I have to say it? I want to stay with you, but none of you are listening. You, Vincent... Xiao probably wouldn't listen either. [He grits his teeth.] Just tell me you don't love me. Tell me I'm not needed or wanted. That's far better than being treated like some untouchable star in the sky...
....hmph. [He hates being called out like this, and yet... it's nice to have the reminder that he really does still give a damn, even if his first instinct is to object.] I'm a doctor. "I will abstain from all intentional wrong-doing and harm," or so it goes. Doesn't really apply to me, though. And even if he's a miserable shit, he's your miserable shit.
[So says a miserable shit, himself.
But not so much so that he can't notice the way Aether quivers and craves further attention. He's about to give it to him, too, when he fixes that dour frown upon his face and grows serious. Almost sheepishly, Vanitas relents.
Especially when he reiterates what it is he wants. That he desires to be by their side. How hurt he is by their denial of his affections. His sigh turns soft as he brushes some hair back from Aether's face, pressing a kiss to one cheek then the other.]
Alright, alright. I hear your wish loud and clear. [Though when Aether grows angry, he loses some of the complacency he previously had.] You are wanted and needed, though. I want you. I need you... You're one good thing in this miserable world, and I don't want you to go anywhere...
[Contradictory? Yes, but earnest all the same as he wraps his arms around Aether and hugs him close with a heavy sigh.]
"All intentional wrong-doing and harm"? [He knows he's calling him out again, maybe needlessly.] Even if you helped him only because he's important to me, I still want to thank you for that. [His expression is softer as he says that.] Even though I don't appreciate that you made him angry... and got hurt.
[They're both miserable, too. Aether doesn't fail to notice that. Maybe this is why he so badly wishes to give them his love and light.]
Xiao... looked like he regretted hurting you. Even though he was still mad about what you said.
[He doesn't know if that information changes anything, but he wants Vanitas to know it still.
And then he's weak again to his lover's affection, to his touch, to the kisses against his cheeks, to the words that he's been heard, that he is needed, wanted. Aether trembles with emotions when he's pulled into a hug. His eyes close, arms and wings circle around Vanitas.]
But you... don't love me? [He pauses, then shakes his head with a soft laugh.] Sorry, I'm pushing it.
[He's silent for a moment, soaking in their connection like he's afraid this is all a dream that will soon end.]
But, Vanitas? [His voice is quieter again.] I still need to know what you want and need. As long as it will make you happy, I can accept it... But you need to be honest with me.
Tch... Shush. [Gives him a light shove for being smarmy!] ...you're welcome. And... you have my apologies for baiting him. I truly didn't think he would react so violently. [He pauses, thinking, before continuing.] Though I probably would've done it anyway. It was amusing.
[Down go his eyes again, brow furrowing. It's a fiercely conflicted feeling he has, knowing Xiao has regrets. He'd rather the fool just be apathetic about it.]
Somehow I doubt we're ever going to be friends. But. I'll try to make nice with him from here on out. For your sake.
[Not Xiao's, though. He can live with his regrets for all Vanitas cares.
Embraced by arms and wings alike, Vanitas melts against Aether, sighing contentedly as his forehead drops onto a shoulder. He feels so safe, so warm, so... loved. Even though he shouldn't, doesn't deserve it. It's wonderful and he hates himself for indulging in it. But he can't stop. Just like he has a hard time resisting Verso. He secretly craves the affection of his special people.]
Huh? [Up comes his head, a firm frown on his face.] ...I don't tell Vince that, either, you know.
["Love". It's not a word he's ever used for anyone, except when he was describing his infatuation with Jeanne to Noé. But real love? ...no.]
....I know. I... [He hesitates, mulling over it briefly before embracing Aether harder.] ...I want you and Vince. I like what we have. It's... [Safe. Comforting.]
[That makes him laugh a little, before he responds with a sigh.] He cherishes loyalty... and dislikes those who take free will from others.
[He pauses.] That's what you did in his eyes... But I think he knows he overreacted.
[His eyes seem to say "please be nicer to him".
As they embrace, he snuggles close, feeling like he's missed Vanitas, before reminding himself again that they weren't apart for that long to begin with. Yet, the hurt, the rejection made those days feel all the more lonely and now he's starved for every bit of affection.]
You don't? Really? [He sounds somewhat amused by that revelation. Then he falls silent, listening. He understands. He likes what they have too. It chases away the horrors of each day.
He carefully moves to lay down on his back, coaxing Vanitas to come along and relax on top of him. At the same time there's a small smile playing on his lips.]
You want me and Vince... but you also want Verso. And Noé, right? [His brows furrow.] He told me you kissed him more than once. [He doesn't know anything more than that.]
[A thoughtful hum escapes him as he frowns a bit.] ...we're alike in that regard, then.
[This time it's a sigh he can't hold back.] No sense of humor, that one.
[He takes the hint and brushes a hand through Aether's bangs, nodding before latching onto him. Maybe he'll never be able to be friends with Xiao, but... perhaps he can try to play nice, for his lover's sake. It'll be difficult to be sure, yet if it keeps things from escalating into outright hostilities again, it'd be worth it.
For now, though, he simply holds Aether close, basking in his warmth.]
No. He says he loves me, but I-- I can't bring myself to say it back.
[His brow furrows there, like he's frustrated with himself. Then he merely shakes his head, allowing himself to be drawn down with Aether. Like a content house cat, he curls up half on the blond's chest, claws clutching at his shirt. Almost bashfully, he hides his face against the fabric there, ears flicking.]
...it's stupid, isn't it? Someone who can't love, craving so much. All I'm doing is making things difficult for you all. Complicating your lives and making you miserable. [Now he just sounds dejected.] ...it started with just Patho-Gen trying to force us to imprint. I thought that would be the fastest way and that it'd end the torture...
[Aether thinks that Vanitas and Xiao are alike in many other ways. It's a shame they can't be friends. The yaksha doesn't trust too many people and winning that trust takes a lot of time. The traveler can only assume how much more difficult it's going to be now, when any friendly feelings were shattered with words.
Gently, he moves his hand up to Vanitas' ears and pets them as he listens.]
It's okay. It may seem like a big thing to say or offer. [He closes his eyes.] I was afraid of saying it too, but now... I would tell you both over and over again how much I love you both.
[He sounds somewhat amused as he says that. It's easy to get comfortable with Vanitas so close to him, even if the topic of their conversation is far from joyful. Aether leans a little to kiss the top of his lover's head, before saying:]
I don't think it's stupid... You just want to be loved. I understand that well. I crave the exact same thing. [There's a quiet "hm" noise from him.]
Noé told me about it. When we imprinted, I had to explain to him that kisses weren't a mandatory part of the process. [He tries to make his voice sound lighter.] And I know how much you care about him. He was so confused about his own feelings the last time we talked.
[It really is a shame; Vanitas knows what it's like to have few companions whom one can trust. And while he doubts there's any friendship to be had between him and Xiao anymore, the yaksha would never be left to suffer by him. Maybe... one day. After he's dug out of the hole he's made for himself.
With eyes drooping, he leans into into those touches and sighs. He knows he's terrible at this whole affection deal. Always has been, probably always will be.]
It is. [His gaze wanders over Aether's face, studying his expression.] ...but I also know how valuable it is. I actually couldn't bear to hear Vince tell me that he loved me at first. It made me want to run away.
[Now, though, he treasures every instance of it, from both Aether and Vincent. It still flusters him to hell and back, but he no longer feels physically ill at the thought of someone caring that deeply for him. He can also accept Aether's kiss with a faint smile, one hand reaching for his.]
Tch... Who says I want that, huh... [Defensive protesting, GO! Though it's clear from his blush what the truth is.]
Hah. What an idiot. [It's said with affection, however, even if he's exasperated.] He's just worried about what Vince will think, is all. He can't get past the fact Vince attacked me for teasing about flirting with Gil. [Idly, he rubs at the spot on his neck where Vincent's scissors had left their mark.] Though I don't know what to do about Noé now...
[Aether would argue that Vanitas can be incredibly sweet and affectionate when he wants. All of their quiet moments are enjoyable and make the traveler feel cherished. Yet, Vanitas doesn't seem to realize that.]
You deserve to be loved, though.
[He grins a little, still petting those cat ears and holding Vanitas close. A small laugh bubbles from him at the other's protest that he doesn't want the love. They both know the truth.
His expression only falls when the injury becomes the topic. A scar, one of many, but Aether wishes it was not there. That it didn't happen at all.]
...I'm sorry Vince hurt you. [His voice is quiet as he says that.] Does he know about your kiss with Noé?
[He truly doesn't, instead thinking that he's good for nothing but hurting others. That he can and does offer love of his own kind seems to elude him somehow. At Aether's words, he scoffs softly, but doesn't protest. It'd be an endless argument, after all.]
Perhaps. I have yours, after all. Vince's, too.
[And he doesn't know what to do with so much affection, is the ironic thing. He's so lost when give the care and consideration he desperately craves. For now, though, he simply leans into Aether's touches, glad to be held.
Even the topic of his fight with Vincent doesn't wipe away the faint smirk from his face.]
It's fine. I was asking for it. He simply gave me what I wanted. [The thrill of danger, of feeling alive and important. At the question, he nods.] We talked about it. He said it's fine if we invite Noé sometimes. Though I wonder how much is just him indulging me.
Sadly, I think I enjoy giving more than anything else. So you'll have as much of my love as you want.
[He's just that kind of a person! Even if... it is nice to receive the affection and love in return. He only realized how much he was craving for it when both Vanitas and Vincent dragged him to bed with them. Funny how it works sometimes.
He moves his hand to brush Vanitas' hair with his fingertips.]
If you say so... But I still hate it. I hate seeing you hurt. [His voice is a whisper when he says those words.] I'm glad you talked, but by "invite" you mean... for a night together, right? [He's not sure how he feels about it, but as long as it makes Vanitas happy... he is fine with it. As long as he's not doing it in secret.]
...But you still don't know what to do. Noé is just as confused. Or at least he was when we talked.
[Like an affectionate feline, Vanitas bumps his forehead against Aether's, nuzzling at him.]
Well, how can I say no when you offer it so freely like that, hmm...?
[Despite not being able to say the word for a while nor offer it verbally, at least Vanitas can give his affection physically. That is much easier for him to do. Now Aether is stuck with them, for better or worse. Since despite saying he should find another, better person to love him, Vanitas can't seem to let go.
Even now his arms stay encircled around him.]
I know... For you, I'll try to stay out of trouble. [One hand strokes his back idly, a content sigh sneaking past his lips.] Yeah. I couldn't not, not after everything that happened back hom and here. We fought, you know. Noé and I. Almost killed each other. [His smile fades at the memory, eyes becoming clouded.]
I don't know that Vince is very happy with the arrangement... But like with Verso, I don't want to just drop him.
[It's sweet when he nuzzles at him like this. Aether can't help himself any more. He draws Vanitas near and lines their lips together for a slow, tender kiss that grows deeper after a moment. His wants and needs shine through it, his love is let known. He missed this. He wanted this. But he also wishes to convey some comfort as their mouth glide against one another.
He shudders when they part, eyes closing, head sinking back into the mattress.]
...Sorry. [He says with a burst of laugh.] I just couldn't help myself.
[They're having a serious conversation now!
Any good mood soon drains from him, though, when he hears about the sad circumstances that Vanitas and Noé experienced back home. Aether is silent for a moment.]
You don't have to give up on anyone. There has to be a way to figure this all out. Even if it's weird and makes no sense. [He presses a hand to Vanitas' cheek.] I'll help. I'll go with you and we can talk to Vince about it. But it's important to be honest. Otherwise, no matter what compromise we'll come up with, it may all go to nothing.
[With their lips touching one another, it's like Aether is able to drain away some of the tension holding Vanitas' body together, allowing him to finally sag and rest against his partner with a moaning sigh. Greedily, he eats up the affection and returns it in kind, clawed hands clutching desperately at Aether's clothes.
Only when he calls a halt to it does Vanitas finally remember to breathe again. Shaking his head, he smiles and bumps their cheeks together.]
It's fine. I enjoyed it.
[Serious or not, he'll never say no to being treasured by Aether.
Of course, he has to spoil it. He always does. That thought makes him sigh, mood instantly dampening. He just can't keep his mouth shut, can he...?]
No... I know I can't keep this up. At least not with Verso. Vince hates him, with a burning passion. Besides, Verso's always saying he's no good for me... Though I think that's a load of crap. I just wish I could get him to see his own worth. [His eyes flick up to Aether's, filled with sadness.] ...guess you're right. There's no point in trying to keep anything from him anymore. Not when he already knows, anyway.
Vanitas... [He runs a hand up and down the other's back, head shaking like he's heard something unbelievable right now.] So Verso is doing the exact same thing to you, as you two do to me. [What an irony.] I wish both of you would see your own worth.
[He sighs, looking up at the ceiling.]
We'll have a nice long talk with Vincent. I think... the only way to make this work is to keep this relationship open. And make some rules so none of us hides anything from others. That would save us all from hurt feelings.
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no subject
Aether hesitates before crossing the mirror and ending up in the bedroom that Vanitas and Vincent share. By chance Vanitas is there and Aether approaches him without word, wrapping his arms around his middle and pressing his form to the other's back. A silent hello... but there is something else in it. A kind of sadness that he was attempting to keep deep down in his heart, but it's too big now.]
Hey, I thought... we could talk. About things.
[It helps that they don't have to look at one another. Or at least that's what Aether thinks.]
no subject
While he doesn't say anything either from Aether making his way into their room and over to him, he does cover one of those warm hands with his own icy one, which is now almost like the arctic itself. He allows himself to lean gently back against Aether, their bodies propping one another up. He doesn't need words or an expression to tell the traveler is down.]
Mmm... Alright. That's probably a good idea. What did you want to discuss?
[It is good, because already he feels enough like shit after having disappointed, betrayed, and hurt Aether.]
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Aether doesn't say anything for another moment, but when he does his voice is soft.]
You. Us. All three of us. [There it is, that note of sadness ringing somewhere in his voice.] After... you left, I talked to Vincent and he wanted to tell me he understands. He started from saying that you're still seeing Verso...
[He sighs, those words are so heavy as they escape his mouth.]
It still hurts him.
[He's avoiding talking about himself. This isn't about him. It can never be about him.]
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At his words though, a lump forms in his throat and his stomach drops. He has a good idea what this is about, and sure enough...]
Alright... [His fingers grip Aether tighter, holding him close. When Verso's name comes up, the freezing feeling permeates even his heart, and he shudders.] ...I am. I-- I like him. He's... fun. Funny, and he dotes on me like I'm something precious. Plus we have some pretty great sex.
[He snorts, wry. Dipping his head down, he can't help a sigh.]
I know I shouldn't be doing it, and yet... it's hard to just stop, you know?
[He turns a bit, trying to glance back at Aether. He noticed that he's refrained from voices his own opinion, his own feelings on the matter.]
What about you...?
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Aether stares at him owlishly, like he doesn't understand the question at all. His gaze drifts away eventually.]
What do you mean? I... [He bites his lower lip.] Both of you told me that you don't deserve me, that I should go find someone else. Does it matter what I think?
[He doesn't mean to sound so bitter about it and he soon realizes his mistake. At the same time... he can't find the right words to express what he is really feeling.
He wants to believe in Vanitas, he wants to make both him and Vincent happy. Maybe if it was just the two of them it would be the best option?
And yet... he loves them both too much. He can't imagine his life without them both.
Why is all of this so complicated?]
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He just doesn't expect that kind of a response. Immediately, his brows furrow and he wiggles around to face Aether, a hand coming up to cup his cheek.]
Of course it matters. Even if we don't deserve you, if you would be better off with someone kind and loving who'd treat you right, what you want matters more than anything.
[Leaning in, he rests their foreheads together, letting out a shaky breath that's also chilled like a winter wind. His eyes close briefly, but open again to peer into Aether's with what can only be described as pitiful guilt.
He's done a lot of screwing around and screwing up. Again and again and again. But he also knows this last time with Xiao was a step too far. Maybe it's the same with Verso...]
I'd like to hear it, if you'll tell me. Your feelings.
no subject
He can't stay upset with Vanitas for long though, not when the other lines their foreheads and touches his face, not when there's so much guilt in his gaze.]
I...! [He pauses, then closes his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts.] I'm upset. I'm upset you're keeping things from both of us. That you're breaking your word. That you won't tell either of us what you really want. If... if we're all in this together then we should be honest with each other!
[His form shakes a little, gaze firmly on his lover.
Then he looks away.]
And... maybe I am jealous. A little. Neither of you listen to what I want either... And I really want to be with both of you.
[Why can't they accept that?]
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He waits, patiently, for Aether to collect his thoughts, ears lightly flicking with interest.] ...I see. Yeah, I suppose, that's fair, all things considered. I... [He swallows, shaking his head.] I don't want anything. Don't deserve it...
[Clearly that's a lie and a half, given what all he's been doing, going behind their backs and still staying with them all the same. Though his self-loathing is probably the most honest he's been in a while.]
...I'm sorry. [A rare apology. His gaze drops to Aether's lips, which he traces with a clawed thumb.] ...then I won't push you away anymore. Alright? Because I-- I want you to be happy. If you want to follow your shitty taste and be with us, who am I to argue?
[He smirks a bit, although it's a touch playful.]
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You and I both know that's not true. And that it also doesn't solve anything. We need to talk and make some decisions. [He's just so tired of all the upset feelings and the mess it brings.] Vince thinks you're playing a game with him. That none of this really matters to you, because you first want him to be faithful to you, then you... include me. And go after Verso. [He sighs.] Just... decide. Do you want this relationship to be just him and you? Or would you rather it was open, so you could chase your heart's desires? You can't have both.
[Maybe he's starting to scold him a little here, but he... feels so lost. About his place in all of this, about what Vanitas wants. Is there more people out there aside from Verso he slept with? Should Aether know about it? He'd rather know.
He looks up at the other when Vanitas apologizes to him and touches his lip. The traveler lets a soft breath out, even though he no longer needs to breathe. The playfulness of the comment makes him huff of a laugh.] Just so you know - even if... if it was Xiao, he'd likely tell me the same. That I should find someone else, because he'd only hurt me.
[He closes his eyes.]
It's tiring.
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...tch. [All of sudden, he turns sullen, amusement gone from his face.] Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. What does anything truly matter when at the rate we're going, we're all going to turn into monsters or die or be killed before escaping here? [Despite his grousing, he grows quiet, thoughtful. His eyes slide away as he thinks, before letting out a sigh.] I...
[But then he's gazing back at Aether's mouth, longing to kiss it. So he does, leaning in to press a soft kiss to those parted lips as he speaks.] Hmm... Yeah, I guess he would deny you, too, wouldn't he. At least it's probably true with his curse.
[Grasping Aether by the cheeks, he strokes his thumbs over his warm skin, frowning.]
...I'm a miserable person, you know. Neither Vince nor I are very jovial. We're both hurt, bitter individuals. Do you really want to stay with us? And you've seen him. He's fiercely jealous. What's his is his, end of story. I'm not much better. I'm greedy. Selfish. Throwing your lot in with us may be a mistake.
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You don't think like that. If you did, then... you wouldn't try to save anyone. [He's still frowning, but it's lighter somehow. Softer.] I know you helped Xiao. Twice. If nothing really matters, then you could've just left him there. But you didn't.
[So it does matter. Vanitas is just trying to come up with excuses.
Aether doesn't get a moment to say that, though, as a soft kiss presses against his lips, surprising him. His form trembles with need for more, with longing, but he resists. The frown is back on his face. He won't fall for this... this distraction! They're having an important conversation here!!
And then Vanitas says that and Aether feels a stab to his own heart.]
How many more times do I have to say it? I want to stay with you, but none of you are listening. You, Vincent... Xiao probably wouldn't listen either. [He grits his teeth.] Just tell me you don't love me. Tell me I'm not needed or wanted. That's far better than being treated like some untouchable star in the sky...
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[So says a miserable shit, himself.
But not so much so that he can't notice the way Aether quivers and craves further attention. He's about to give it to him, too, when he fixes that dour frown upon his face and grows serious. Almost sheepishly, Vanitas relents.
Especially when he reiterates what it is he wants. That he desires to be by their side. How hurt he is by their denial of his affections. His sigh turns soft as he brushes some hair back from Aether's face, pressing a kiss to one cheek then the other.]
Alright, alright. I hear your wish loud and clear. [Though when Aether grows angry, he loses some of the complacency he previously had.] You are wanted and needed, though. I want you. I need you... You're one good thing in this miserable world, and I don't want you to go anywhere...
[Contradictory? Yes, but earnest all the same as he wraps his arms around Aether and hugs him close with a heavy sigh.]
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[They're both miserable, too. Aether doesn't fail to notice that. Maybe this is why he so badly wishes to give them his love and light.]
Xiao... looked like he regretted hurting you. Even though he was still mad about what you said.
[He doesn't know if that information changes anything, but he wants Vanitas to know it still.
And then he's weak again to his lover's affection, to his touch, to the kisses against his cheeks, to the words that he's been heard, that he is needed, wanted. Aether trembles with emotions when he's pulled into a hug. His eyes close, arms and wings circle around Vanitas.]
But you... don't love me? [He pauses, then shakes his head with a soft laugh.] Sorry, I'm pushing it.
[He's silent for a moment, soaking in their connection like he's afraid this is all a dream that will soon end.]
But, Vanitas? [His voice is quieter again.] I still need to know what you want and need. As long as it will make you happy, I can accept it... But you need to be honest with me.
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[Down go his eyes again, brow furrowing. It's a fiercely conflicted feeling he has, knowing Xiao has regrets. He'd rather the fool just be apathetic about it.]
Somehow I doubt we're ever going to be friends. But. I'll try to make nice with him from here on out. For your sake.
[Not Xiao's, though. He can live with his regrets for all Vanitas cares.
Embraced by arms and wings alike, Vanitas melts against Aether, sighing contentedly as his forehead drops onto a shoulder. He feels so safe, so warm, so... loved. Even though he shouldn't, doesn't deserve it. It's wonderful and he hates himself for indulging in it. But he can't stop. Just like he has a hard time resisting Verso. He secretly craves the affection of his special people.]
Huh? [Up comes his head, a firm frown on his face.] ...I don't tell Vince that, either, you know.
["Love". It's not a word he's ever used for anyone, except when he was describing his infatuation with Jeanne to Noé. But real love? ...no.]
....I know. I... [He hesitates, mulling over it briefly before embracing Aether harder.] ...I want you and Vince. I like what we have. It's... [Safe. Comforting.]
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[He pauses.] That's what you did in his eyes... But I think he knows he overreacted.
[His eyes seem to say "please be nicer to him".
As they embrace, he snuggles close, feeling like he's missed Vanitas, before reminding himself again that they weren't apart for that long to begin with. Yet, the hurt, the rejection made those days feel all the more lonely and now he's starved for every bit of affection.]
You don't? Really? [He sounds somewhat amused by that revelation. Then he falls silent, listening. He understands. He likes what they have too. It chases away the horrors of each day.
He carefully moves to lay down on his back, coaxing Vanitas to come along and relax on top of him. At the same time there's a small smile playing on his lips.]
You want me and Vince... but you also want Verso. And Noé, right? [His brows furrow.] He told me you kissed him more than once. [He doesn't know anything more than that.]
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[This time it's a sigh he can't hold back.] No sense of humor, that one.
[He takes the hint and brushes a hand through Aether's bangs, nodding before latching onto him. Maybe he'll never be able to be friends with Xiao, but... perhaps he can try to play nice, for his lover's sake. It'll be difficult to be sure, yet if it keeps things from escalating into outright hostilities again, it'd be worth it.
For now, though, he simply holds Aether close, basking in his warmth.]
No. He says he loves me, but I-- I can't bring myself to say it back.
[His brow furrows there, like he's frustrated with himself. Then he merely shakes his head, allowing himself to be drawn down with Aether. Like a content house cat, he curls up half on the blond's chest, claws clutching at his shirt. Almost bashfully, he hides his face against the fabric there, ears flicking.]
...it's stupid, isn't it? Someone who can't love, craving so much. All I'm doing is making things difficult for you all. Complicating your lives and making you miserable. [Now he just sounds dejected.] ...it started with just Patho-Gen trying to force us to imprint. I thought that would be the fastest way and that it'd end the torture...
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Gently, he moves his hand up to Vanitas' ears and pets them as he listens.]
It's okay. It may seem like a big thing to say or offer. [He closes his eyes.] I was afraid of saying it too, but now... I would tell you both over and over again how much I love you both.
[He sounds somewhat amused as he says that. It's easy to get comfortable with Vanitas so close to him, even if the topic of their conversation is far from joyful. Aether leans a little to kiss the top of his lover's head, before saying:]
I don't think it's stupid... You just want to be loved. I understand that well. I crave the exact same thing. [There's a quiet "hm" noise from him.]
Noé told me about it. When we imprinted, I had to explain to him that kisses weren't a mandatory part of the process. [He tries to make his voice sound lighter.] And I know how much you care about him. He was so confused about his own feelings the last time we talked.
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With eyes drooping, he leans into into those touches and sighs. He knows he's terrible at this whole affection deal. Always has been, probably always will be.]
It is. [His gaze wanders over Aether's face, studying his expression.] ...but I also know how valuable it is. I actually couldn't bear to hear Vince tell me that he loved me at first. It made me want to run away.
[Now, though, he treasures every instance of it, from both Aether and Vincent. It still flusters him to hell and back, but he no longer feels physically ill at the thought of someone caring that deeply for him. He can also accept Aether's kiss with a faint smile, one hand reaching for his.]
Tch... Who says I want that, huh... [Defensive protesting, GO! Though it's clear from his blush what the truth is.]
Hah. What an idiot. [It's said with affection, however, even if he's exasperated.] He's just worried about what Vince will think, is all. He can't get past the fact Vince attacked me for teasing about flirting with Gil. [Idly, he rubs at the spot on his neck where Vincent's scissors had left their mark.] Though I don't know what to do about Noé now...
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You deserve to be loved, though.
[He grins a little, still petting those cat ears and holding Vanitas close. A small laugh bubbles from him at the other's protest that he doesn't want the love. They both know the truth.
His expression only falls when the injury becomes the topic. A scar, one of many, but Aether wishes it was not there. That it didn't happen at all.]
...I'm sorry Vince hurt you. [His voice is quiet as he says that.] Does he know about your kiss with Noé?
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Perhaps. I have yours, after all. Vince's, too.
[And he doesn't know what to do with so much affection, is the ironic thing. He's so lost when give the care and consideration he desperately craves. For now, though, he simply leans into Aether's touches, glad to be held.
Even the topic of his fight with Vincent doesn't wipe away the faint smirk from his face.]
It's fine. I was asking for it. He simply gave me what I wanted. [The thrill of danger, of feeling alive and important. At the question, he nods.] We talked about it. He said it's fine if we invite Noé sometimes. Though I wonder how much is just him indulging me.
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Sadly, I think I enjoy giving more than anything else. So you'll have as much of my love as you want.
[He's just that kind of a person! Even if... it is nice to receive the affection and love in return. He only realized how much he was craving for it when both Vanitas and Vincent dragged him to bed with them. Funny how it works sometimes.
He moves his hand to brush Vanitas' hair with his fingertips.]
If you say so... But I still hate it. I hate seeing you hurt. [His voice is a whisper when he says those words.] I'm glad you talked, but by "invite" you mean... for a night together, right? [He's not sure how he feels about it, but as long as it makes Vanitas happy... he is fine with it. As long as he's not doing it in secret.]
...But you still don't know what to do. Noé is just as confused. Or at least he was when we talked.
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Well, how can I say no when you offer it so freely like that, hmm...?
[Despite not being able to say the word for a while nor offer it verbally, at least Vanitas can give his affection physically. That is much easier for him to do. Now Aether is stuck with them, for better or worse. Since despite saying he should find another, better person to love him, Vanitas can't seem to let go.
Even now his arms stay encircled around him.]
I know... For you, I'll try to stay out of trouble. [One hand strokes his back idly, a content sigh sneaking past his lips.] Yeah. I couldn't not, not after everything that happened back hom and here. We fought, you know. Noé and I. Almost killed each other. [His smile fades at the memory, eyes becoming clouded.]
I don't know that Vince is very happy with the arrangement... But like with Verso, I don't want to just drop him.
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He shudders when they part, eyes closing, head sinking back into the mattress.]
...Sorry. [He says with a burst of laugh.] I just couldn't help myself.
[They're having a serious conversation now!
Any good mood soon drains from him, though, when he hears about the sad circumstances that Vanitas and Noé experienced back home. Aether is silent for a moment.]
You don't have to give up on anyone. There has to be a way to figure this all out. Even if it's weird and makes no sense. [He presses a hand to Vanitas' cheek.] I'll help. I'll go with you and we can talk to Vince about it. But it's important to be honest. Otherwise, no matter what compromise we'll come up with, it may all go to nothing.
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Only when he calls a halt to it does Vanitas finally remember to breathe again. Shaking his head, he smiles and bumps their cheeks together.]
It's fine. I enjoyed it.
[Serious or not, he'll never say no to being treasured by Aether.
Of course, he has to spoil it. He always does. That thought makes him sigh, mood instantly dampening. He just can't keep his mouth shut, can he...?]
No... I know I can't keep this up. At least not with Verso. Vince hates him, with a burning passion. Besides, Verso's always saying he's no good for me... Though I think that's a load of crap. I just wish I could get him to see his own worth. [His eyes flick up to Aether's, filled with sadness.] ...guess you're right. There's no point in trying to keep anything from him anymore. Not when he already knows, anyway.
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Vanitas... [He runs a hand up and down the other's back, head shaking like he's heard something unbelievable right now.] So Verso is doing the exact same thing to you, as you two do to me. [What an irony.] I wish both of you would see your own worth.
[He sighs, looking up at the ceiling.]
We'll have a nice long talk with Vincent. I think... the only way to make this work is to keep this relationship open. And make some rules so none of us hides anything from others. That would save us all from hurt feelings.
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