[The sigh rising against his body makes him feel a touch guilty, but he stubbornly refuses to give in. Or rather, he can't quite find the words, simple as they are. They just won't come.
Without meaning to, his paws start flexing upon Vincent's chest, gradually kneading as he warms up.]
That's true. I had no intention of simply vanishing. [It's his turn to sigh, though it comes out as something of a grumbling meow almost.] I merely wanted to take a walk to clear my head. I...
[Hesitating, he latches onto Vincent's chest again, body tensing.]
[ Vincent’s eyes narrow just so with disbelief, even if his lips sit in an idle (and empty) smile. It’s possible that what Vanitas says is true, but the man’s penchant for discourse would lead him to believe otherwise. That, perhaps, he didn’t know how to get his attention otherwise. ]
Is that right. Well. [ A passive gesture forward. ] We’ve plenty of time.
[ Does he sound as though he has the patience for it? Hardly. Still, it isn’t an outright refusal. ]
[It's like he can feel the disdain emanating in waves off Vincent, making him bristle a bit warily. Of course he has no reason to trust his words after everything that's happened. Hell, maybe even he doesn't believe it himself. Maybe he is a pathological liar at heart.]
I-- [Knowing he has to start at the most basic level, he tries to steel himself for what needs to be done. To mean it with all his heart, black and hardened as it is.] I want to apologize. For how I treated you.
[His words are quiet and subdued, his gaze fixed firmly upon Vincent's chest.]
[ Though it might seem that way, it isn’t disdain which Vincent feels. Quite the opposite. For everything that’s happened, however, the only way he know how to move forward is to lock away the ache. Returning to a life he doesn’t want, now, everything just seems cold.
Yet, he does listen, unchanged though he seems. ]
Mm. I’d appreciate that. [ Not that he’ll believe it, but, hey. ]
[Vincent is a tough man to read at the best of times, and now, unable to see his face and dealing with him masking his hurt, it's only become even harder. Still, Vanitas gets the impression that his former lover isn't the least bit impressed. It leads to him wilting a bit, curling up into a tighter ball.]
It wasn't something I did out of malice... [He could try to justify it, but he doubts that would sway Vincent any. Not that it should.] I'm a fool.
[ Tone gentle - pleasant, even - it is still devoid of anything substantial or genuine. ]
This is a terrible apology, so far. [ Lowering his chin to peer at Vanitas, he subtly quirks a brow. ] Still, I’d be interested to know your reasoning.
[Somehow that pleasant voice makes him feel even colder than the night air has been. Like he's been doused with ice water.]
Tch... So the effort doesn't count, does it? [Don't mind his ears flattening a bit as he glances aside.] ...I'm used to simply doing what I want without worrying about others. I wanted to sleep with the man, so I did. There's no hidden reason, no secret agenda for my actions. It was callous of me.
So, as I thought, then. [ Drawing a breath, he rolls his shoulder back. ] Do forgive me, but I’m afraid your words hold little weight, at the moment. You like to say charming things when it suits you, but your actions are… repelling, at best.
I simply want to know if I'm wasting my breath is all.
[Bristling at that assessment, he finds he can't argue it despite wanting to. Doesn't mean he has to like it, though. Abruptly, he starts squirming, trying to wriggle out from within Vincent's coat.]
Then in that case, put me down. I can walk on my own. There's no reason for us to keep acting like there's anything between us, if that's how you feel.
[He at least stops squirming while Vincent supports him and then places him upon the ground, where he stretches, still bristling.]
Not with someone like you who seems intent of turning down every olive branch.
[Though admittedly, he's hardly in the best shape right now, being cold, hungry, and tired. It's a minor miracle he manages to change back into his human self, staggering a little as he does so.]
I'm trying to be honest here, not sugarcoat things or tell you what you want to hear, despite what you seem to think.
[ For as much as he doesn’t seem to care, Vincent watches the younger man intently and he transforms. When he staggers, the blond’s arm is there to catch him. ]
Hm. You can it an olive branch, but all I hear is self pity and selfishness. You’ve given me positively no reason to be receptive.
[ Once Vanitas is on his feet, he gestures ahead, before slipping his hands back into his pockets and moving forward, himself. ]
[The gesture, both welcome and not - if only because he hates showing any form of weakness - is accepted with a noise of thanks. A wordless sound as he regains his footing, unable or unwilling to meet Vincent's eyes.]
Well, excuse me if I'm rather terrible at this whole relationship thing. There's a reason I spent the past however many years avoiding them.
[In spite of himself he can't help sounding put out and a touch hurt as they set out towards the city.]
...you may be right, though. [He'll admit that much, at least.]
[ ‘Relationship’, a word which earns Vincent’s attention, even if it’s a sweeping glance. Hearing Vanitas admit to that much might be a start. ]
That would make two of us.
[ To the latter, he merely hums, wings folding up tighter against himself. It’s only now that he realizes how he and Vanitas started off on exceptionally good footing, and even during their brief (though intense) disputes, had never truly experienced his more disagreeable nature. Interesting. ]
[Perhaps unfortunately, it's a look that Vanitas misses, being so out of it, so he gets no hints there. He'll just have to muddle on through it on his own efforts.]
I would've thought that would make you more understanding.
[It's said quietly, almost sadly as he keeps his gaze on the ground before him while they walk. They did start off on rather good terms, especially for one whose normal mood is sullen and petulant. What Vincent is getting to see now is Vanitas' more natural side.]
...was there anything you wished to say to me? Any hopes for us, however slight?
[ Brows tick upward, lashes falling against his cheeks with a quiet huff through the nostrils. He remains silent, until the other man speaks up for the second time. After a moment of consideration, teeth scraping over his lip, Vincent erupts into a short burst of laughter. ]
It is for the very reason that we are so similar that I have no pity for you. Despite how damaged and rotten I am, I’ve somehow been able to offer you so much accommodation and love. After all you’d done, I gave you every opportunity to stay. [ Walking on, he merely shakes his head with a smile. ] No, I’m not going to continue carrying us.
[It's almost amazing how much that laugh cuts him to the quick, leaving him hurt and aching inside. Fitting, he supposes, given what all he's done and the pain he's caused, but it's still painful to experience. It's so new and everything remains raw despite it having been weeks already.
For a time Vanitas is silent, mulling over those words before sighing quietly.]
When put like that, I can hardly blame you for being so doggedly determined to hold everything against me. I suppose there truly is no recourse for us, then... [His eyes flick up to avoid a low hanging branch, but in so doing, he misses his footing, stumbling and falling to his knees with a laugh of his own.] ...you may as well simply leave me here, then.
[Hands grasping at his pants, he hunches his shoulders at Vincent's words, raising his head enough to fix him with a glare. He surely didn't expect any offer of help, yet to see him merely stand there smiling at him is infuriating.]
You try not being able to eat, drink, or move much for three days and see how well you handle it.
[Gritting his teeth, his words come out venomous and bitter.]
I said to leave me be. If you've no interest in reconciling, then why did you even come out here? To spite me? Do you want your earring back?
[ Unimpressed by the display, he’ll just look the other up and down. ]
That should be obvious, because unlike you, I meant what I said; I still love you. I don’t want you to suffer and wither alone. Why do you think I still wear this thing, mm?
[Having no retort to that, he hunches up his shoulders and drops his gaze to the ground, hands tightening into fists.]
Who can tell with you? You're impenetrable sometimes. You say you love me and care, yet you shun my every attempt to reach out and make amends. I can't tell what it is you want from me. [Quieter, almost to himself:] I want to do better...
Every attempt to reach out, hm… Let me remind you that this is the first time we’ve spoken since well before I died, and I sought you out. You mentioned an apology, which I never quite received, and immediately lost steam after a taste of honesty. Told me you just threw me away because you could. Ah, and then, you asked me to put forth the effort to begin rekindling what we had.
[ A slow blink. ]
So, tell me, where was the effort? This only shows me how little I mean to you.
[Brutal honesty, yet nothing Vincent says is technically wrong; that's what stings most, apart from the fact that Vanitas is trying, despite how it may seem. Poorly, perhaps, but in his own way he's making the effort. It's clearly just not enough.
Sagging in place, he sighs, his rage draining from him.]
Every attempt today, anyways. And I'm sorry. For treating you and our relationship like it meant little to me. Because that's not the case. I truly do - did - value it. And you. I didn't realize I was asking so much of you in my attempt to make things better.
[Laughing quietly, he shakes his head.]
I won't try to convince you. The fact that I'm so terrible at this is just proof that you can do better. You deserve better. Someone who will treat you with more understanding than I can.
[Self-sabotage, it's what he's best at. Even without realizing it, it seems to be about the only thing he truly excels at anymore. It's like he's deliberately trying to push others away.
Whether he hears that scoff is up for debate, but he does smile wryly, eyes still fixed downward.]
You're just going to turn me down, aren't you? What then is the point? Wouldn't it be better to save both ourselves the trouble?
[At first it looks like he's going to reach for Vincent's hand. ...only instead he swats it away.]
I'll take the fourth option: remaining right here on my own until I feel so inclined as to return to the city. Having a spectral soul means an inevitable death, yes? I may as well wait it out here. Perhaps this ache will go away with my demise.
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Without meaning to, his paws start flexing upon Vincent's chest, gradually kneading as he warms up.]
That's true. I had no intention of simply vanishing. [It's his turn to sigh, though it comes out as something of a grumbling meow almost.] I merely wanted to take a walk to clear my head. I...
[Hesitating, he latches onto Vincent's chest again, body tensing.]
I was hoping to speak with you afterwards.
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Is that right. Well. [ A passive gesture forward. ] We’ve plenty of time.
[ Does he sound as though he has the patience for it? Hardly. Still, it isn’t an outright refusal. ]
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I-- [Knowing he has to start at the most basic level, he tries to steel himself for what needs to be done. To mean it with all his heart, black and hardened as it is.] I want to apologize. For how I treated you.
[His words are quiet and subdued, his gaze fixed firmly upon Vincent's chest.]
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Yet, he does listen, unchanged though he seems. ]
Mm. I’d appreciate that. [ Not that he’ll believe it, but, hey. ]
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It wasn't something I did out of malice... [He could try to justify it, but he doubts that would sway Vincent any. Not that it should.] I'm a fool.
[A statement, not an excuse.]
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[ Tone gentle - pleasant, even - it is still devoid of anything substantial or genuine. ]
This is a terrible apology, so far. [ Lowering his chin to peer at Vanitas, he subtly quirks a brow. ] Still, I’d be interested to know your reasoning.
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[Somehow that pleasant voice makes him feel even colder than the night air has been. Like he's been doused with ice water.]
Tch... So the effort doesn't count, does it? [Don't mind his ears flattening a bit as he glances aside.] ...I'm used to simply doing what I want without worrying about others. I wanted to sleep with the man, so I did. There's no hidden reason, no secret agenda for my actions. It was callous of me.
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So, as I thought, then. [ Drawing a breath, he rolls his shoulder back. ] Do forgive me, but I’m afraid your words hold little weight, at the moment. You like to say charming things when it suits you, but your actions are… repelling, at best.
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[Bristling at that assessment, he finds he can't argue it despite wanting to. Doesn't mean he has to like it, though. Abruptly, he starts squirming, trying to wriggle out from within Vincent's coat.]
Then in that case, put me down. I can walk on my own. There's no reason for us to keep acting like there's anything between us, if that's how you feel.
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You wanted the chance to speak. I wouldn’t say that I’m an entirely unreasonable man, but negotiations apparently aren’t your strong suit.
[ This is more or less how he saw this conversation going. Ah well. He pauses to kneel, setting the other down. ]
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Not with someone like you who seems intent of turning down every olive branch.
[Though admittedly, he's hardly in the best shape right now, being cold, hungry, and tired. It's a minor miracle he manages to change back into his human self, staggering a little as he does so.]
I'm trying to be honest here, not sugarcoat things or tell you what you want to hear, despite what you seem to think.
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Hm. You can it an olive branch, but all I hear is self pity and selfishness. You’ve given me positively no reason to be receptive.
[ Once Vanitas is on his feet, he gestures ahead, before slipping his hands back into his pockets and moving forward, himself. ]
You’re simply used to me coddling you.
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Well, excuse me if I'm rather terrible at this whole relationship thing. There's a reason I spent the past however many years avoiding them.
[In spite of himself he can't help sounding put out and a touch hurt as they set out towards the city.]
...you may be right, though. [He'll admit that much, at least.]
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That would make two of us.
[ To the latter, he merely hums, wings folding up tighter against himself. It’s only now that he realizes how he and Vanitas started off on exceptionally good footing, and even during their brief (though intense) disputes, had never truly experienced his more disagreeable nature. Interesting. ]
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I would've thought that would make you more understanding.
[It's said quietly, almost sadly as he keeps his gaze on the ground before him while they walk. They did start off on rather good terms, especially for one whose normal mood is sullen and petulant. What Vincent is getting to see now is Vanitas' more natural side.]
...was there anything you wished to say to me? Any hopes for us, however slight?
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It is for the very reason that we are so similar that I have no pity for you. Despite how damaged and rotten I am, I’ve somehow been able to offer you so much accommodation and love. After all you’d done, I gave you every opportunity to stay. [ Walking on, he merely shakes his head with a smile. ] No, I’m not going to continue carrying us.
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For a time Vanitas is silent, mulling over those words before sighing quietly.]
When put like that, I can hardly blame you for being so doggedly determined to hold everything against me. I suppose there truly is no recourse for us, then... [His eyes flick up to avoid a low hanging branch, but in so doing, he misses his footing, stumbling and falling to his knees with a laugh of his own.] ...you may as well simply leave me here, then.
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Quietly, he approaches to stand next to Vanitas. Head tilted and hands firmly in his pockets, he ticks his tongue. ]
My, so dramatic. [ His thin smile widens. ] Come on, get up.
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You try not being able to eat, drink, or move much for three days and see how well you handle it.
[Gritting his teeth, his words come out venomous and bitter.]
I said to leave me be. If you've no interest in reconciling, then why did you even come out here? To spite me? Do you want your earring back?
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Try it for four months.
[ Unimpressed by the display, he’ll just look the other up and down. ]
That should be obvious, because unlike you, I meant what I said; I still love you. I don’t want you to suffer and wither alone. Why do you think I still wear this thing, mm?
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[Having no retort to that, he hunches up his shoulders and drops his gaze to the ground, hands tightening into fists.]
Who can tell with you? You're impenetrable sometimes. You say you love me and care, yet you shun my every attempt to reach out and make amends. I can't tell what it is you want from me. [Quieter, almost to himself:] I want to do better...
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Every attempt to reach out, hm… Let me remind you that this is the first time we’ve spoken since well before I died, and I sought you out. You mentioned an apology, which I never quite received, and immediately lost steam after a taste of honesty. Told me you just threw me away because you could. Ah, and then, you asked me to put forth the effort to begin rekindling what we had.
[ A slow blink. ]
So, tell me, where was the effort? This only shows me how little I mean to you.
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Sagging in place, he sighs, his rage draining from him.]
Every attempt today, anyways. And I'm sorry. For treating you and our relationship like it meant little to me. Because that's not the case. I truly do - did - value it. And you. I didn't realize I was asking so much of you in my attempt to make things better.
[Laughing quietly, he shakes his head.]
I won't try to convince you. The fact that I'm so terrible at this is just proof that you can do better. You deserve better. Someone who will treat you with more understanding than I can.
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Until Vanitas ruins it immediately. Eyes sharpening, his lips barely part in a quiet, almost unnoticeable scoff. ]
You won’t even try, mm? Shame. I suppose that’s it, then.
[ Finally, the blond offers his hand. ]
You can either get up, I can carry you, or we stay here until you can manage one of the aforementioned options.
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Whether he hears that scoff is up for debate, but he does smile wryly, eyes still fixed downward.]
You're just going to turn me down, aren't you? What then is the point? Wouldn't it be better to save both ourselves the trouble?
[At first it looks like he's going to reach for Vincent's hand. ...only instead he swats it away.]
I'll take the fourth option: remaining right here on my own until I feel so inclined as to return to the city. Having a spectral soul means an inevitable death, yes? I may as well wait it out here. Perhaps this ache will go away with my demise.
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